Being fat hurts

Hello, dear readers, and welcome!  As I launch this new blog, I invite you to join me on my journey. I admit that it's been a long two years of grieving and doing a lot of nothing since my little dog died. I did get active for a little while last fall when I had a walking buddy, but then as winter started to let up Covid-19 hit. But, thats enough about that for now. Let's get back to the title of today's post.

Its true, my body physically aches with the extra weight I've put on. At 50, almost 51, I'm as heavy as I've ever been. And, since I haven't weighed myself in about a year, I'm afraid of what the readout would be. From my clothing, I know I'm wearing a size 18. But regardless of the number of pounds or clothing size, my body is uncomfortable.  

On top of the pain I feel in my muscles and joints, there is also the mental. I have a beautiful oval wooden full length mirror in the corner of my bedroom. It’s something I always wanted and I love it. But instead of swirling in front of it in beautiful clothes, I avoid looking at myself in it. My stomach sagging down is a sight I never thought I'd see on myself. Guilt is a common visitor, and no matter how loving and supportive my boyfriend is, I want to look and feel sexy.

Yet, here I am. My ass has regrow those humps above my pillowy cheeks. My knees have disappeared into the flab of my thighs once more. I already mentioned my distress about having a belly. And, being here, at this age and energy level has give me a new appreciation for the struggle I watched my mother go through. Hindsight is a bitch, and I wish I'd been more supportive for her. 

Still, my muscles remember what it felt like to take long confident strides without pain. And I know the end result of my doing nothing is more pain and eventually, disability. I am determined to avoid that fate. And so, today I started a new habit. I took myself for a walk. It wasn't very long, just around my block. But I arrived home puffing and sweaty, and elated. You see, it was a beautiful bright sunny day, sparkling off the snow and ice crystals in the trees. As I walked, I could feel a tightness I didn't know I had fall off and my shoulder that had been hurting gave a final sharp complaint before fading away. By the time I walked back to my driveway I noticed a number of minor issues seemed to have disappeared.  

 

Although it was a short walk, the positive reinforcement of feeling better was a surprise added benefit. I know there will be days when it will be difficult to get off the couch or put down the distraction du jour. But, as the title of this blog states, our body is our temple. My temple is uncomfortable and causes me shame. In the same way I find having a clean home is important to my positive mental health, I know that having a healthy fit body is also important. And so, I begin this journey anew. 

I won't post my current before pictures at this time, so I don't scare anybody. lol. And, so anyone who wants to join me in this journey can do so and relate. Because, at the end of the day, no matter what size a person starts at, we all have the same negative feelings about or bodies. 

It may be passé to make a fitness resolution around the new year, but here i go. I won't aim for a particular number of weight or clothing, but rather for a state of health. I want to feel strong enough to go dancing, and horse back riding, swim in the ocean, and a multitude of other activities I enjoy for decades to come.

Hello 2021! Looking forward to all the good things you'll bring.